The Richest Man In The World, Elon Musk Launches The Biggest Media Campaign Ever With Jk Rowling At The Helm To Destroy Imane Khelif And The Entire L/g/b/t Group That Likes To Participate In Women’s Sports

In a move that can only be described as “predictable” and “utterly exhausting,” Elon Musk, the world’s richest man (and apparently, also the world’s foremost expert on everything, including but not limited to, gender and sports), has reportedly launched a massive media campaign targeting trans athletes, specifically focusing on French-Algerian boxer Imane Khelif.  Because, you know, that’s the most pressing issue facing humanity right now.

Joining Musk in this crusade against… checks notes… fairness? …is none other than JK Rowling, author of a certain wizarding series and noted TERF (Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist).  Because what’s a good old-fashioned moral panic without a dash of literary respectability?  Think of them as the dynamic duo of “Wait, You’re Serious?”

The campaign, which insiders are calling “Operation Save Women’s Sports From… checks notes again…  People Who Just Want To Play Sports,” is rumored to involve everything from strategically placed billboards (because nothing says “nuanced debate” like a giant picture of a woman’s bicep) to a series of “documentaries” narrated by people who definitely have no pre-existing biases.  One can only assume that the soundtrack will be exclusively bagpipe music and the sound of pearl-clutching.

Musk, never one to shy away from hyperbole, has reportedly declared this the “biggest media campaign ever,” dwarfing even the marketing blitz for Tesla’s self-driving cars that still occasionally drive into fire hydrants.  Rowling, meanwhile, has been spotted frantically Googling synonyms for “biological woman.”

The stated goal of this campaign is to “protect the integrity of women’s sports.”  Because, apparently, the biggest threat to women’s sports isn’t, say, unequal pay or lack of funding, but rather… checks notes one last time…  trans women existing.

The internet, naturally, has responded with its usual blend of outrage, mockery, and the occasional existential dread.  #SaveWomensSportsFrom… checks notes for the fourth time…  Reasonable Discourse is trending, alongside #LetTransWomenPlay and #ThesePeopleNeedHobbies.

We reached out to Imane Khelif for comment, but she was too busy training for her next fight to respond.  Which, honestly, seems like the most sensible thing anyone’s doing in this whole mess.

We’ll continue to follow this developing story, mostly because we’re morbidly curious to see how much further this can possibly go.  Stay tuned for more updates on “The Great Trans Sports Panic of 2024,” brought to you by the people who apparently have nothing better to do with their time and money.