Sam Elliott and Kurt Russell Join Clint Eastwood’s Anti-Woke Actors Guild, Take $100 Million Each, Sparking Major Hollywood Debate
In what might be the most unexpected plot twist in Hollywood history, legendary actors Sam Elliott and Kurt Russell have reportedly signed on to Clint Eastwood’s new “Anti-Woke Actors Guild,” taking home a jaw-dropping $100 million each for their commitment to the cause. Naturally, the deal has ignited a firestorm of controversy across Tinseltown, with some calling it “a revolution” and others dubbing it “the biggest farce since Cats (2019).”
The guild, founded by Eastwood, aims to “restore classic American values to Hollywood storytelling,” according to a press release. While specifics of their initiatives remain unclear, insiders speculate that upcoming projects will feature a lot more cowboy hats, Marlboro cigarettes, and characters who refuse to sort their recycling.
Critics were quick to pounce on the announcement. “This feels like a parody written by a bored screenwriter with too much time on their hands,” said one anonymous industry executive. “But then again, this is Hollywood. Anything is possible.”
On the other hand, some fans are excited about the prospect of these iconic actors returning to the big screen with unapologetically rugged roles. “Finally, some real men back in movies,” commented one enthusiastic Twitter user, whose profile picture features a bald eagle and an American flag.
Meanwhile, the $100 million paychecks have caused a stir among fellow actors. “How is this even sustainable?” questioned an unnamed Marvel star. “They’d better hope those ‘anti-woke’ Westerns have a bigger box office pull than the Avengers.”
As Hollywood continues to grapple with changing cultural dynamics, one thing is clear: the Anti-Woke Actors Guild has already done what many thought impossible—become the most talked-about club in town. Whether this turns into a blockbuster success or just another footnote in Hollywood’s colorful history remains to be seen.
But one thing is for sure: if this guild’s first production bombs, they’ll probably just blame the woke mob.
