Elon Musk’s Latest SEC Filing Reveals $790M Tesla Stock Splurge to “Take Down Alec Baldwin and Cancel The View” – A Bold Statement Indeed
In a move that no one—literally no one—saw coming, Elon Musk’s latest SEC filing has revealed that the billionaire tech mogul allocated a jaw-dropping $790 million from the sale of 1,268,000 Tesla shares to fund what can only be described as a bizarre vendetta against Hollywood actor Alec Baldwin and daytime talk show The View. Yes, you read that right. Apparently, global innovation and sustainable energy weren’t high enough on the to-do list this quarter.
The filing includes what can only be interpreted as a manifesto, with Musk declaring his intention to “put an end to Baldwin’s smug antics” and “liberate the world from the tyranny of The View’s coffee-table banter.” Sources close to Musk—read: probably his Twitter circle—say he’s been stewing over Baldwin’s SNL impressions of Donald Trump and The View‘s “anti-billionaire rhetoric” for years.
The Grand Master Plan: Chaos or Comedy?
The SEC documents describe Musk’s plan in stunning detail, outlining investments in memes, fake Baldwin biopics, and a series of cryptic Twitter polls designed to “turn public opinion against his enemies.” One particularly bold idea involves launching a satellite to broadcast Baldwin’s most cringe-worthy performances 24/7, effectively creating a space-age cancel campaign. As for The View, sources suggest Musk is considering launching a competing talk show called The Horizon, where his friends Grimes and Joe Rogan debate simulated AI versions of the current panelists.
The Internet Reacts, Predictably
Unsurprisingly, social media had a field day. “Is this what Tesla owners are funding? Where’s my Cybertruck, Elon?!” one user tweeted. Another chimed in, “I thought my Model S came with autopilot, not petty billionaire drama.” Even Tesla’s board members were reportedly left scratching their heads, asking, “Wait, this isn’t about Mars?”
A Distraction or the Beginning of a Billionaire Soap Opera?
Critics argue that Musk’s latest antics are a thinly veiled distraction from Tesla’s ongoing challenges with production delays and regulatory scrutiny. Supporters, however, say this bold move is simply “peak Elon” and a sign that he’s still willing to think outside the box—way, way outside.
As always, Musk himself seems unbothered by the uproar, tweeting late last night: “Next: cancel pineapple on pizza. Fight me.”
At this rate, the only thing left to ask is whether the SEC is secretly enjoying the show.
