🛑 Wild head coach John Hynes responded to claims that Pavel Dorofeyev is ‘ruining American hockey’ by Break NHL’ strict rules
In a press conference that could only be described as a masterclass in dry humor and exasperation, Minnesota Wild head coach John Hynes addressed the latest uproar in the hockey world: the scandalous accusation that Pavel Dorofeyev of the Vegas Golden Knights is singlehandedly “ruining American hockey.”
The dramatic allegations surfaced after the Golden Knights handed the Wild a decisive 4-1 defeat, with Dorofeyev delivering a standout performance that left Wild fans questioning their team’s existence. However, it wasn’t just the scoreboard that caused the uproar — it was Dorofeyev’s purported defiance of “NHL’s strict, unwritten rules” that really got the hot takes flowing.
“You know, I wasn’t aware that playing good hockey was now a cardinal sin,” Hynes quipped, rolling his eyes with the precision of a coach who’s seen it all. “Apparently, scoring goals and, heaven forbid, using skill on the ice is what’s ruining the sport. I’ll be sure to tell my players to stop doing that immediately.”
The accusations, originally made by self-proclaimed hockey purist commentators who moonlight as experts on “the spirit of the game,” suggest that Dorofeyev’s flashy moves and offensive dominance undermine the gritty, blue-collar ethos of American hockey. Or, as one particularly fiery commentator put it: “He’s turning the ice into a circus.”
Hynes’ response? “I’m sorry, I must have missed the memo where hockey was supposed to be boring. If Dorofeyev is ruining the game, then we should send him a trophy, because he’s making it a hell of a lot more interesting.”
Dorofeyev’s supposed “rule-breaking” included such egregious offenses as skating faster than anyone on the Wild’s roster, taking creative shots that Wild defenders clearly didn’t see coming, and, worst of all, celebrating his team’s goals with enthusiasm. Naturally, this has led to a full-blown moral panic among a subset of fans who seem to believe hockey should only be played by players who can barely lift their sticks off the ice.
“Look, we got beat. And we got beat by a team that played better than us,” Hynes admitted, his tone dripping with self-awareness. “But blaming one guy for ‘ruining American hockey’? Come on. It’s 2025. We have bigger things to worry about — like maybe trying to score more than one goal.”
To add insult to injury, the Wild’s players didn’t exactly rise to Dorofeyev’s level on the ice. Despite their best efforts (and by “best efforts,” we mean trying to hit him harder than a wrecking ball), Dorofeyev danced circles around the defense, leaving Wild goaltender Filip Gustavsson visibly questioning his life choices.
As the controversy swirls, one thing is clear: Pavel Dorofeyev is living rent-free in the minds of Wild fans and hockey traditionalists alike. And while the Wild may have lost the game, Coach Hynes has certainly won the press conference. His parting shot? “If Dorofeyev’s ruining hockey, then maybe the rest of us should take notes.”
Ouch. Somebody get the Wild a fire extinguisher, because John Hynes just burned them all.
